When to End a Relationship - Is your relationship worth saving? While most people will have an opinion about whether you and your partner should stay together, ultimately, the answer to that question is an intensely personal decision that only you can answer, since you will have to live with the consequences.  With that being said, there are some general guidelines as to when a relationship is not worth saving.

1.)  Your partner wants to end the relationship. No matter how much potential you see in the relationship, or how much you love your partner, you can not ‘fix’ the relationship without him/her.  Relationships take two people.

When this is the scenario, we strongly encourage you to let go. Prior to letting go, it may be to your benefit to have one last conversation with your partner where you state your perspective.  In some situation you might be able to ‘win’ him/her over.  However, be careful.  Too much persuasion on your end runs the risk of putting yourself in an overly compromised situation.  If you have to beg to get your partner to take you back, then you may be over-giving, and your partner over-taking.  This could result in your partner acting selfishly, not because she/he is a bad person, but rather because you over-gave. Balance in a relationship also means boundaries. When someone you love is not treating you well, step back and observe how you feel.  Explore within yourself why you want to spend time with someone who is not treating you well. Does it really feel good? Or are you simply wanting them out of force of habit? Or due to memories of what used to be?

2.)  Your partner is emotionally, sexually or physically violent towards you, and/or your child. Extreme situations such as violent rapes or broken bones are easier to recognize. To report abuse, contact the police 911. If you are unsure if you meet the criteria of an ‘abuse victim’ or if you are scared, professional help is available. 

The Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and/or a rape hotline.

Women Against Rape http://www.woar.org (215) 985 – 3333

Most people who are living with an abuser or lived with an abusive person benefit from the support of a therapist. No one should go through this alone.

 

Sometimes, motivated partners are able to change. However, it is rare for partners to change without a lot of help. Working with a therapist can help you better understand if your partner is capable of change, or if it's time to exit the relationship.

Resources for the Abuser

Sexual abusers in Philadelphia who want help can contact: Joseph J. Peters http://www.jjp.org (215) 701-1560

Physical abusers who want help can contact: The Center for Family Services http://www.centerffs.org : (856) 964-7378