Not Having An Orgasm Doesn't Mean I Am Not Enjoying It

Posted by: Center for Growth Therapists

       We’ve all heard about the people who orgasm every time they have sex; sometimes, 

they have multiple orgasms in one session. Unfortunately, you’re not a part of that 

group. Or is it so unfortunate? Just because you’re not having an orgasm doesn’t 

necessarily mean you’re not having fun and it doesn’t feel good. 

There are multiple benefits to sex other than having an orgasm. The first benefit that 

you may receive while having sex is satisfying your skin hunger. Your body craves 

to be touched by others. The lack of touch over a long period of time can lead to high 

risk of anxiety and depression. It can also affect your physical health. While you are 

in bed with someone you are touching them, being caressed, snuggling- all of which 

feed your body’s craving for touch. 

      Going along with the need for touch, sex can also give you major health benefits. 

Sex is a calorie burner; on average you lose between 85-250 calories each session. 

People who have sex regularly also tend to be less stressed with sounder sleep. 

People who have regular sex also tend to be less prone to sickness as well as pain. If 

you are already feeling pain, it tends to go away faster. Your skin will also start to 

look healthier. Women have lighter periods and less cramping. This can all happen 

even without having an orgasm.

     Another physical benefit from nonorgasmic sex is that you are not experiencing 

the dopamine “hangover” from having an orgasm. When you have orgasmic sex 

your body releases hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine. Your dopamine 

levels rise in anticipation of orgasm, and then once orgasm occurs your dopamine 

levels plunge. If you’re not having an orgasm, your dopamine levels do not decrease 

immediately. Therefore, you are experiencing those “feel good” hormones longer. 

While you are touching your partner you may also be feeling closer with your 

partner. You are involved in, what can be, a very intimate act. You may choose to 

gaze into your partner’s eyes, align your breathing with one another, and sway your 

hips in the same motion. Whatever you and your partner choose to do while having 

sexual relations can bring you closer emotionally with one another. This increases 

the quality of your relationship. 

     Your communication skills used while having sex can also help increase the quality 

of your relationship. You are not focused on necessarily having an orgasm but you 

are focused on what feels good. You are practicing your communication skills with 

your partner not only to get your needs met, but also to meet theirs. Feeling like 

your partner listens and reciprocating that skill can help to increase the closeness of 

your relationship. 

    Though you may not be having an orgasm each time, your partner may be. Despite 

not having an orgasm for yourself, you can take pride in giving an orgasm to your 

partner and allowing them to please themselves. Revel in the way you gave them 

that pleasure. 

    Also, revel in your pleasure. Though you’re not having an orgasm, you’re also 

probably not in pain. The act of sex still feels good to you. When he touches you 

there, as she licks you here embrace the gratifying feelings that those actions can 

bring. 

    Lastly, not having an orgasm is less pressure on both partners. There is no end goal 

that you and your partner have to reach. Instead, you’re just enjoying the pleasures 

in the moment; enjoy the friction between one another’s bodies. You’re not thinking 

about what to do next to make sure that you reach the finish line. There is no finish

line.