Ask Alex, I live with my boyfriend and we have such a lovely relationship. We are very much in love and I believe we will eventually get married if our path follows the same way it's going. We have a special relationship that you just can't find anywhere. I do have a few dilemmas though. I love making love to him, and it is very enjoyable. He gets me very excited, but I hardly ever orgasm. When we first started making love I was always on bottom. Then I switched to top, and now he always wants me to be on top. I like both, but I like variety. I want to try a different position every time we make love if not a few different positions each time. Also, I go down on my boyfriend all the time, and he loves it. But, I can't seem to make him cum with oral sex. He says that it is very hard for him to cum through oral sex, and only one person has ever made him cum, but he says she was a real "whore". My boyfriend has gone down on me only twice. I don't know if he doesn't like oral sex or if he doesn't like how I taste. I love my boy with all my heart, I wouldn't trade him for anything. But, how do I fix these dilemmas? I feel comfortable talking to him about anything, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. He has said before how unhappy he is that I rarely cum. He always asks if I do or don't...with me it's hard to tell because I'm very vocal. Please help, Alex! Samantha Chicago, IL
Dear Samantha, I am wondering what stops you from being direct with your partner? Why not simply tell him exactly what you told me. After showing him this letter, continue by suggesting a few ways that he could stimulate you that could bring you to orgasm. In some ways it is your responsibility to teach him about your body. Of course, you cannot make anyone interested in learning, but from the sounds of your letter, it sounds like he wants to learn.
If you are having trouble imagining how this conversation might go ask him to participate in the following exercise with you:
Take ten minutes and answer the following questions (set A). After you and your partner have finished answering the questions, read your answers to each other. Then answer the following questions (set B).
The fastest way to make me orgasm is to _________
The thing that you do that turns me on the most is _________
My sexual fantasy is ____
I find it difficult to talk about what turns me on because _________
The one thing that you could do to help me talk about my sexual likes/dislikes is _________
My favorite type of oral sex is _________
My favorite sexual positions are _________
The best sex we ever had was _________
Orgasm means _________ to me
When you touch me like _________ I generally respond _________
The one thing that I am most struck by is _________
The hardest thing for me to hear is _________
This has been helpful for me in the following ways _________
If it is ok with you, I would like to try _________
My fear about trying is _____________
What I need from you when we try is _______
I imagine your fear about trying is ________
Did I guess your fear? Are there other fears that you might have? ____________________
What you need from me when you feel X _________
When can we practice?