Orgasm

Alex Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW
Individual, Couples & Family Therapy
IMAGO Certified Marriage Counselor
AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Supervisor
Founder & Director of the Center for Growth Inc.

Posted by: Alex Robboy
CAS, MSW, LCSW Individual, Couples & Family Therapy IMAGO Certified Marriage Counselor AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Supervisor Founder & Director of the Center for Growth Inc.
267-324-9564

Orgasm

Ask Alex, I live with my boyfriend and we have such a lovely relationship. We are very much in love and I believe we will eventually get married if our path follows the same way it's going. We have a special relationship that you just can't find anywhere. I do have a few dilemmas though. I love making love to him, and it is very enjoyable. He gets me very excited, but I hardly ever orgasm. When we first started making love I was always on bottom. Then I switched to top, and now he always wants me to be on top. I like both, but I like variety. I want to try a different position every time we make love if not a few different positions each time. Also, I go down on my boyfriend all the time, and he loves it. But, I can't seem to make him cum with oral sex. He says that it is very hard for him to cum through oral sex, and only one person has ever made him cum, but he says she was a real "whore". My boyfriend has gone down on me only twice. I don't know if he doesn't like oral sex or if he doesn't like how I taste. I love my boy with all my heart, I wouldn't trade him for anything. But, how do I fix these dilemmas? I feel comfortable talking to him about anything, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. He has said before how unhappy he is that I rarely cum. He always asks if I do or don't...with me it's hard to tell because I'm very vocal. Please help, Alex! Samantha Chicago, IL

Dear Samantha, I am wondering what stops you from being direct with your partner? Why not simply tell him exactly what you told me. After showing him this letter, continue by suggesting a few ways that he could stimulate you that could bring you to orgasm. In some ways it is your responsibility to teach him about your body. Of course, you cannot make anyone interested in learning, but from the sounds of your letter, it sounds like he wants to learn.

If you are having trouble imagining how this conversation might go ask him to participate in the following exercise with you:

Take ten minutes and answer the following questions (set A). After you and your partner have finished answering the questions, read your answers to each other. Then answer the following questions (set B).

Set A

The fastest way to make me orgasm is to _________

The thing that you do that turns me on the most is _________

My sexual fantasy is ____

I find it difficult to talk about what turns me on because _________

The one thing that you could do to help me talk about my sexual likes/dislikes is _________

My favorite type of oral sex is _________

My favorite sexual positions are _________

The best sex we ever had was _________

Orgasm means _________ to me

When you touch me like _________ I generally respond _________

Set B

The one thing that I am most struck by is _________

The hardest thing for me to hear is _________

This has been helpful for me in the following ways _________

If it is ok with you, I would like to try _________

My fear about trying is _____________

What I need from you when we try is _______

I imagine your fear about trying is ________

Did I guess your fear? Are there other fears that you might have? ____________________

What you need from me when you feel X _________

When can we practice?