Perks of Vaginal Dilator Therapy
The thought of using vaginal dilator therapy to treat recurrent or chronic sexual pain can be intimidating. Vaginal dilator therapy has been an effective treatment to eliminate or reduce female sexual pain. One of the biggest perks of vaginal dilator therapy is it helps you to regain your sexual confidence by giving you back control of your sexuality. The ways in which vaginal dilator therapy can help you regain control of your sexuality are outlined below.
It is important to mention that trying something new can create anxiety and stress. I want to acknowledge that the negative emotions you may experience are valid and understandable. The purpose of this tip is to focus on the positive aspects of something you may be nervous about beginning.
1. You set the ground rules.
Vaginal dilators allow you to make progress at a comfortable pace. You choose the time you use the vaginal dilator, how often you use the vaginal dilator, how you use the vaginal dilator, and the size of the vaginal dilator. You choose the size of the dilator.
Dilators range in size. They have different diameters and lengths. Smaller dilators may start at about 3” long and about ½” in diameter and increase to around 6” long (the average size penis) and about 1 5/8” in diameter. For those that need to, you can start with smaller than average dilators and if you have a partner who is particularly well endowed even larger dilators will need to be used.
Start with the smallest vaginal dilator. You can always move up. The smallest dilator is suggested because you want to minimize the discomfort as you develop the skill to relax the vaginal canal muscles. Do not rush. Take your time. Be patient with yourself. You want to create more positive experiences with your body. Positive associations with pleasure are a key piece of the experience. The other is learning how to relax and release the tension deep within your vaginal muscles. Most people who experience sexual pain develop tight muscles as a primary or secondary cause of the pain. Most people reflexively tense up as a way to reduce the pain. Ironically, this very act aggravates the situation.
2. Dilators do not have feelings.
You are not going to hurt your vaginal dilator’s feelings. You are starting vaginal dilator therapy because you want to have pain free intercourse. Maybe you are trying to consummate a marriage to have children. Maybe you want to enjoy intimacy with your partner. Maybe you are pursuing a new dating relationship and you don’t want to have to share your history. There are many reasons why people begin to use vaginal dilator therapy. Regardless of the reason our goal is to help you achieve yours and have your body work for you in the way you want it to.
You may have been worrying about how your sexual pain makes your partner feel. Worrying about other people’s feelings can make it more difficult to focus on your own experience. As women we are programmed to take care of everyone else’s emotional burdens, throwing our own emotional burdens to the back burner. Vaginal dilator therapy allows you to practice pain free sex without worrying about how your partner will feel. Remember, your sexual needs, enjoyment, pleasure, and happiness must happen first.
Vaginal dilator therapy provides a space to practice and work on your sexuality without having to worry about the needs of anyone else. This is your time. These are your moments. You do not have to worry about how someone else may view you. Your vaginal dilator will not judge you, tell you to go faster, or make you feel like you aren’t working hard enough.
3. You are working on your schedule.
Just like dilators don’t have feelings, they are always on your schedule. For effective vaginal dilatory therapy treatment you will need to schedule time in your life to use the vaginal dilators. I recommend that women choose a time that is as stress free as possible. Examples of stress free time include:
Home Alone
When first engaging in vaginal dilator therapy treatment you may want to choose a time when you are home alone.
Morning or Evening
Each person is different. Some people are morning people, while others are evening people. What time of the day works best for your current schedule? You want to ask yourself what time during the day will allow you to get the most out of your vaginal dilator therapy. This will all be based upon you current lifestyle and preferences. It is important that you schedule at least 30 minutes in the beginning to prepare for your vaginal dilator therapy treatment.
No Distractions
Make sure to pick a time that will have little to no distractions. You may choose a time that no one is home and is a good time of the day, but you haven’t turned off your cell phone or have laundry in the wash that you are thinking about. You want to make this experience as successful as possible, so prepare for success. By choosing a time with little distractions you are choosing your success! Prepare this time for yourself.
Feeling Relaxed
Distractions can stress us out. By limiting distractions we are choosing to enter into a calmer space. Before you choose to engage in vaginal dilator therapy you will want to find ways to relax yourself. This may include playing your favorite music, taking a warm bath or shower, or drinking a glass of wine. Find out what relaxes you and practice this before you start your vaginal dilator therapy treatment.
Having Fun
Some women choose to take advantage of the situation. Most partners are so happy to know that you are doing your part to “fix” the problem of sex that if you asked them to clean the kitchen, walk the dogs, do the laundry, do homework with the kids, or put the kids to bed so that you could have the time to focus on improving your joint “sex life” they will happily do so. In fact, some men will go out of their way to tell you about all the extra work around the house that they are doing just so that you can have more undistracted time to practice the skills being taught from vaginal dilator therapy. Thus, have fun! Get them to work a little harder. You are doing challenging work and you would truly benefit from having more free time to focus on yourself.
4. You can measure your triumphs and successes, literally.
Vaginal dilator therapy is measurable by objective standards. You know where your successes and set backs are. By seeing your pattern of progress you will be gaining an awareness of your body and of your arousal process.
You will have many opportunities to be successful. Just deciding to start vaginal dilator therapy is a victory. It puts you in the center place of control. Picking a day to start the vaginal dilator therapy is a success. You are consciously making a decision to gain control of your sexual pleasure. This is something that deserves to be celebrated. What a monumental life decision. Touching the vaginal opening is a success because you are choosing your sexual pleasure. You are saying “NO” to fear and “YES” to pleasure.
Inserting the smallest dilator is a success. Not only did you make the decision to use vaginal dilator therapy but you are following through with that decision. There are many people who make the decision but do not follow through. Following through with using the vaginal dilators is the hard part. Celebrate how you are following through with your decision. The first time you use the smallest vaginal dilator is victorious, even if you cannot insert the whole vaginal dilator in your vagina. As you work through using the vaginal dilators you will experience times when you masturbate with the vaginal dilators in you. Masturbating while using vaginal dilator therapy is a huge success. At this moment, you have gained the ability to relax and enjoy your sexual pleasure at the same time that you are being penetrated.
Let yourself own these moments of success. Each step in the vaginal dilator therapy process is important. You will only get to pain free penetrative sex through the previous steps you have conquered. Remember, the journey is just as important as the goal. It is through each step of your vaginal therapy journey that you will develop the skills and awareness to reach the goal of pain free, pleasurable sex. Yes, experiencing pain free, pleasurable sexuality is worth celebrating.
If you find yourself really struggling with sexual pain, and are too overwhelmed with the idea of starting on your own don’t hesitate to schedule a consultation. Each of our therapists is trained in helping clients develop the skills to have pain free sex. To contact a sex therapist at The Center for Growth / Sex Therapy in Philadelphia call 267 324 9564.
