For men who want to learn more ways to touch themselves and experience pleasure without ever engaging sex therapy: People have an amazing ability to feel pleasure based off of touch alone. Touching yourself is more than an idea suggested by the Divinyls song I Touch Myself from the 90’s. Self stimulation or masturbation is a great way to learn what you enjoy and discover all of the possibilities of sensual touch. Touch appeals to the human need of skin hunger that has vast preferential differences for each person. Many men get into a routine where masturbation is just jerking off. Some men may think of women as needing and/or preferring more variations of touch. However, touching yourself can be more pleasurable when you include more body parts and different styles of touch!
- Have you ever allowed yourself the space to think about all of the different ways to touch?
- How do you like to be touched?
Brainstorm all of the different ways to touch. What did you come up with?
Differences of touch can be broken up into different styles of touch including rub, stroke, hold, caress, push, tap, poke, flick, grab, brush, swirl pinch, pat, kneading, etc.
For the first round of getting to know your touch preferences better is to notice the different locations you can touch yourself.
Spend some time on each one of these while focusing on your body’s response.
- Where do you like to touch?
- What parts of your body do you like to be touched?
- What does the hair on your arm feel like compared with the underneath skin?
- How does touching your individual toes differ from the inside of your foot? Your heel?
- What difference do you notice when you touch lower stomach versus your inner thigh?
- Moving to your penis, what differences do you notice when caressing the base of your shaft from the middle?
- How does touching the head of your penis feel?
- What is it like to touch your balls?
- How about tug them?
- What does touching your perineum feel like?
- The ridge along the head of your penis?
- Spend some time touching around the base of the shaft.
Second part is helping you to think about the different pressure that you are able to use in touch.
- When you think about massaging a sore muscle how much pressure do you like?
- What does light touch feel like?
- When do you prefer light touch?
- When do you prefer heavier touch?
- How long are you able to spend touching yourself lightly before switching to a heavier touch?
- Do you like to be tickled?
- What changes in your body part when you press harder?
- What grip do you prefer when playing with your penis?
- Place your different fingers to your thumb and notice how the pressure around your penis may change.
- How about the palm of your open hand?
- Closed hand?
- What does it feel like to touch your body with one finger?
- What level of pressure is too much or not enough?
- Do you use two hands or one?
- What difference do you notice?
The third factor that changes the way touch feels is speed.
- When do you enjoy a slower touch?
- What changes in your body when you start to touch yourself faster?
- How long do you allow yourself to touch yourself slowly?
- When do you switch up the speed?
- What happens if you spend more time in the opposite speed that you are used to?
Notice how your body feels within each difference. Experiment with variations of the above suggestions to see how each combination of touch feels for you. You can take the different styles of touch up a notch to position your body differently along with the touch patterns you preferred from above.
- What is different about laying all the way flat on a bed versus the floor?
- How do you feel with your head on a pillow?
- Or sitting upright while playing with yourself?
- Sheets covering your body or open?
- Standing up against the wall or leaning on a piece of furniture?
This is meant to open you up to a better understanding of how different touch changes your body’s interpretation of touch. It is typical for men who have trouble getting into their body to also experience symptoms of anxiety around their penis or those who have trouble being in the moment may want to try mindfulness. Is your body image getting in the way of being sensual and sexual with yourself or a partner? Want help awakening your sexual self through other senses? We also have tips for improving your sexual self esteem.
If you still struggle understanding your preferences or coming up with ideas for more pleasure in your body, sex therapists at the Center for Growth can help. You can self schedule an inperson or virtual sex therapy appointment or Call 215 922 5683 x 100.
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