Getting Over Being Dumped

Posted by: Center for Growth Therapists

Getting over being dumped: So you’ve just gone through being dumped and now you’re trying to refocus back to a state of normalcy, but reaching equilibrium seems nearly impossible. What’s a person to do? Do you go back to dating? Are relationships right for you? Most people think that being dumped is the end, but with the right approach it can actually be the beginning to a new understanding of yourself and what you need from relationships. This article will walk you through step-by-step ways on getting over being dumped. It’s important to accomplish each step prior as they build off one another. You can’t build a house without first having a good foundation.

As you work on getting over being dumped you may be asking yourself a bunch of questions: Am I lovable? Will I get over the heartbreak? Will I find someone new? Can I be angry at this person?  Dating and relationships can bring up a lot of emotions and investment. Being dumped throws all of this out of wack! These are natural questions to ask, but can be overwhelming to think about. A good place to start in order to sort through all your emotions is write each one down and explanation for why you’re feeling that emotion. This may look like:

  • Amy cheated on me then dumped me --> Anger, sadness, confusion
  • I put so much time into this relationship --> depressed, frustrated, sad

Write down every thought that comes to mind and try to identify any emotions that might be associated with it. Even if it’s one emotion it can start painting a picture of all the complicated feelings you may be feeling. Try connecting it to other times you may felt that way. What positive things did you do during those times to cope with the feelings? Being able to write down each emotion give you the opportunity to sort through and understand all your feelings. It also builds the first base in which a person can start getting over being dumped.

The next step is falling back upon supports.  Have a close network of individuals offers the safety net to catch out after being dumped. If you have close friends, meeting up to talk about what happened, or just meeting up to hang out, can provide a good amount of distraction from the emotions that you may be feeling. The support of friends can also act as a nice transition as you head back into working on things for yourself. If you have lost contact with friends, or haven’t had a strong group to begin with, this may be a good time to start branching out to reconnect or connect with new individuals. If you have others in your life that you are close to like family, clergy, mentors, ect. reaching out to them and discussing what happened is also a great outlet for support.

One of the main goals as you are working on getting over a break-up is trying to find a sense of equilibrium. After the emotions have been processed and the questions asked, most people feel lost in what to do with themselves. For some, jumping back into a relationship is the next step, for others taking a long break from being someone feels more comfortable. Take time to think about what you normally do, then do the opposite. This may sound strange, but breaking the cycle of what you may normally do allows for the opportunity to grow and learn new ways of coping.

One of the most important things to do after a break-up is refocus on yourself. I know your mom, friend, co-worker, everyone has told you that, and trust me it’s easier said than done. Refocusing on yourself doesn’t mean you have to start a brand new diet or going on a huge adventure, but it could be as simple as picking up a new hobby, getting back into reading, or putting more focus on work. You may be in main for a while and that’s okay, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t take that big adventure or start that new diet, but everything comes in small steps. Set goals for yourself such as: “within this next month I’m going to focus more on exercise”. Doing things that tend to both your physical and emotional help are good ways to release some of the energy from the break up and start self-care routines. These can be things like:

  • Exercising (i.e. weight lifting)
  • Going to see a concert
  • Going on a hike
  • Joining a meet-up group
  • Running
  • Joining a recreational sports league
  • Yoga at home
  • Learning a new skill (e.g. singing, knitting, fixing bikes/cars, woodworking, cooking)
     

These things may take time to start and it’s okay to take your time starting each one. Picking things that are easy for you to do builds a good base to go off of as you move into other things that might be a little more difficult for you to start. As you to find balance again you will want to move into understanding a break-up and what the relationship meant to you.